CHEMO

I’m so cold

Now I’m burning up

My head won’t stop pounding

I’m going to be sick

I’m gonna hurl

I’m about to vomit

If that nurse sticks me with another needle I’ll punch her in the face

I’m sick of feeling like a pincushion

My skin feels like bugs are crawling all over me

Go away

Please sit here, but don’t talk to me

Hold my hand

Puke rising

Why does that nurse have to wake me up, I’d just gotten to sleep

My pudding tastes like pennies

All my food tastes like pennies

Where did these bruises come from?

Technicolour yawn in the toilet bowl

Hot, cold

I love my nurse she makes me feel better, even when I’m mean to her

Don’t stick me with that needle!

Ulcers in my mouth

My poop burns

Why do I spend so much time in the bathroom?

My brain doesn’t work all the…. Who are you?

What was I saying?

I love flowers

The smell is too strong, it’s making me sick

My skin feels like its crawling with spiders

If I remain perfectly still my head doesn’t hurt so much and I don’t feel dizzy

I don’t want to cry anymore

I no longer reply to “how are you feeling…” it’s obvious how I’m feeling

Some of my friends are scared to come and see me

Why are you acting so weird?

I was reading this book and-

I think I’ve ripped a layer of my oesophagus off from throwing up so much

Is that MY hair?!

I don’t want to look in the mirror anymore

Can we please ignore the fact I have cancer and just have a normal day?

I’m sick of watching television

It’s funny how everyone speaks in hushed tones like they might break you if they spoke normally

Will I ever stop throwing up?

Of course I’m grumpy, my body is betraying me

My gums are bleeding again

My bones ache

This is one hell of a hangover

Wow I’ve lost so much weight

Just get through the next ten seconds

Ten seconds more

I’m scared

© Casey Carlisle 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Casey Carlisle with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

3 thoughts on “CHEMO

  1. Katie @ Wandering Reader says:

    I don’t have cancer but I can relate to a lot of that. I’ve had an autoimmune disease since I was 5 the feeling of being a pin cushion, my body betraying me, the way people change around you once they know… It’s tough. 😔

    • femaleinferno says:

      Not the most fun experience and I’m mostly all about being positive and looking to the future, but I felt the need to express some in-your-face feelings after I had a few friends minimise my battles. It’s always fun to vent your anger in writing/poetry… it’s like making diamonds. On a side note, Emla cream has been my best friend for those needles 😉 Hugs and good vibes for you!

      • Katie @ Wandering Reader says:

        I hear that! I, luckily, don’t have friends that minimize my disease. They either treat me with kid gloves or ignore it all together. I’m not sure which is worse. 🤷🏻‍♀️

        Emla cream, huh? Never heard of it but I’ll be looking it up! I have one arm that’s so scarred up that it’s next to impossible to get a good stick. The other one is holding out but I have to get a nurse with some experience.

        And same to you! 💜 I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

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