A short monthly wrap-up with a message of positivity.
I was all fired up at the beginning of October, I have been fighting with fatigue and general ickiness and was determined to shake it off and get down to business. Then the dreaded C-word happened. Not Covid-19, but cancer. I have fallen out of remission again and started chemo. I have been struggling on whether to announce it or not. Saying something makes me feel like a failure of some kind. Which is ridiculous. My prognosis is very good and we’re hoping to finish treatment and get clear test results by Christmas. That’s my personal goal too. So my productivity for October has been wobbly. Getting through this mental hurdle, while not as difficult as my last two times, still threw me off-kilter. Now it’s just managing feeling like crap most of the time, trying to maintain concentration to get my days’ work done. I’m not announcing my diagnosis for sympathy or well wishes; just a statement to explain a lull in my activities… and probably from now until the new year. Though this blog has become a point of contention for me -> if I can keep it going as usual, then I’m not letting the c-word completely rule my life.
The funny thing is, the Covid-19 restrictions actually help me – it’s how I have to behave now I’m immunocompromised anyway.
This month I only managed 3 novels (all with cool toned covers, hey I created a theme unintentionally) – I find I get tired, or my concentration wanes quickly at the moment. Which means I’ve only whittled the TBR shelf down to 450. Better than nothing I suppose. So too has my writing suffered. I have managed a couple of chapters, but that’s it. Now I’ve adjusted my work ethic and adapted my routine to chemo and treatment I might be able to get more written in November. I really wanted to take part in NaNoWriMo, but I feel it’s unrealistic in my current condition.
I’ve taken everything off my roster. I don’t need stress or negativity around me at the moment. Just focusing on little wins that bring me joy. Watching tv shows and movies that make me laugh, music that makes me want to dance. And lots of puppy cuddles!! Focusing on the positive: I’m actually going to lose that weight I’ve been struggling with. No more trying to come up with meals – it’s all pre-packaged and balanced for my convenience. I get to spend more time snuggling on the bed with my dogs… and read! If I’m not sleeping.
Most of us are having a crappy 2020, but what are some of the positives that this year has brought you? I’d love to hear some positivity that others have found amongst all this chaos.
Is anyone taking part in NaNoWriMo this year? Let me know what you’re working on in the comments…
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4 thoughts on “C-word… and the month that was October”
I was of course attracted to this post by the c-word but wasn’t expecting what I read. I’m sorry to hear it Casey, but am glad that your prognosis is good.
My 2020 has been pretty awful with my mother dying in June and my 100-year-old father moving into Aged Care. However, like you, COVID made much of this easier (in some senses, tough harder in other senses). Easier because I was able to focus on my Mum’s last weeks (her illness was short and her death quick) without distraction.
A big positive has been online access to book events around Australia that I would not otherwise have been able to attend – although I haven’t been able to attend many because of everything else going on with my parents – but it’s been good getting to some.
The other main positive is that with so many activities cancelled, I’ve really enjoyed not being so driven by all the commitments/responsibilities I have had. I have to work out how to keep it like this as things start up again.
Anyhow, keep well and rested Casey – and enjoy those dogs!
Great to hear from you! It’s been a bit of mixed bag and struggle of a year, and my heart goes out to you and your family for the difficulties and loss. Having a paired-back set of responsibilities has helped focus on what I really want too. Your positivity helps me stay focused on goals… and offered a few tips 😀 Virtual puppy hugs for you too!
Thank you for sharing your struggle and positivity.
Thanks – it’s all about the positivity! I’ve become a Pollyana for 2020 😀